Hello The Xtreme Pulse followers! To celebrate the release of God Of War: Ascension for Playstation 3, it seems only fitting to present the Ghost of Sparta’s very own suggestions on the subject of alternate professions. After all, how long can the God of War keep up his brutal ways? Surely a time will come in his carefree destruction when no more individuals remain to be maimed? When that situation arises, Kratos should have several solid back up careers. Here are some of those said professions to mull around his violent Spartan mind.
Optometrist
Hmm…. Yes I Can See The Irregular Corneal Irritation
The Ghost of Sparta has a wealth of experience with gargantuan eyeballs, as evidenced by both his brutality and his cyclops eye collection. So a change of pace from his destructive ways into optometry seems like a natural move for the former Spartan general. Enemies like gods and titans would be replaced by monsters such as tunnel vision, distortion, and lazy eye. If his ruthless nature also translates over his careers (and it probably will), then expect most of his treatments to result in the removal of his patients eyeballs. Dont worry, his surgery track record is clean as a whistle. After all, how many of Kratos’ patients have you ever heard complaints from after treatment? Tremble in fear! Your days are numbered Glaucoma!
Rhythmic Gymnast
It Would Be Wise To Award His Performance A 10….
Kratos makes a flurry of vicious blade attacks look like a work of art, and on a frequent…very malicious basis. His enemies cannot help but be amazed by the beauty of his detailed and involved blades of chaos techniques, followed by the inevitable excruciating pain of course. Witnessing Kratos spinning around and jumping about with eye-popping dexterity and concentration, it becomes clear he is showcasing traits associated with a highly skilled gymnast indeed. His chained weapons of death could easily be swapped for a slightly less brutal substitute in the form of batons with colourful streamers attached…. Although admittedly it is still almost just as deadly. Kratos would require a much wider space to perform his routine, but you better believe it will be nothing short of spectacular with his colourful streamers flying in the air. But a word of warning, never EVER give him a lower score than he deserves….
Henchman
Yeah Sure Boss! I’m 100% Loyal
Kratos? Willingly taking orders? This is madness! Just hear me out here. I’m aware Kratos has a real problem with authority, all you have to do is ask anyone that has employed him… If they are still alive. But Kratos and his saga play out almost identical to any double agent henchmen rising to the top. He starts out low, takes the position of somebody higher up the food chain. Then his organization abuses him, a decision they certainly come to regret. The rival family commits the same mistake, and well…. nothing good comes from it. He exacts swift and brutal vengeance against those who wronged him, which I’m sure reminds you of about a billion movie plots across history. It makes perfect sense for his story to translate over into organized crime. Although if history is anything to go by, you probably shouldn’t hire him. Only because he doesn’t have a letter of recommendation from his former employer. It’s just good business sense!
Well there you have it! Three professions specifically tailored for skills possessed by the Ghost of Sparta! God of War: Ascension is out now! Be sure to keep it here on The Xtreme Pulse for our in-depth review.
For Link’s very own Alternate Professions, look no further than here.
